it's taken me forever to write this because, honestly, i didn't realize how personal this story is. and yet i feel like i really need to keep writing, so maybe it's not just me who will find that this hits close to home....definitely too close for comfort.
can anyone relate to this father?
i know i can.
cynicism comes easy to me. easier than having faith, easier than hoping.
rather than hoping for the best, it's easier to expect the worse. and for some reason cynicism seems cooler than hoping. but i wonder if we elevate cynicism so we don't have to challenge ourselves?
once i can pinpoint what the worst outcome might be, i come to the conclusion that i have to depend on myself, because there are just some things in this life i can't control. and if i'm not in control, i will end up disappointed. because everything else will fail, but somehow i won't...
sounds kinda crazy, i know. but in all my attempts to be independent, i doubt that i'm alone in this.
so, to continue the story....
one day the father hears about another Healer, but this one is rumored to have "healing in His wings."
out of love for himself he guards his heart against the hope that springs up and out of love for his son he ignores the bitter feelings spreading across his chest. they leave early in the morning, he can't bear to see the hope in his wife's eyes for fear that he might start to hope.
the father stands and watches as religious men attempt, and fail, to heal his son until the Healer finally appears. He is visibly disappointed that the other men were not able to bring healing, it seems like He believed that they could.
and as his son is thrown into another fit, the Healer looks past the boy and straight into the eyes of the father.
why? can't He see that the young boy is the one with the obvious need?
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